We don’t want to feel so lonely and, quite frankly, left behind. For years we put ourselves last because we took on the role of a loving mom. And you’re still that mom, but now you’re no longer as needed in that role. The kids have their own families now. 

I’m not a counselor, but I have had many conversations with other empty-nester moms about their feelings when the kids are gone, and I’m an empty-nester mom myself. 

Based on my experience and conversations, I can share some ideas and strategies to help you get unstuck in your empty nest. The goal is for you to move forward with an open mind and open heart into your second half of life. 

How and where do we fit in? What is your next step, and what is your purpose in life? These are some of the questions you might ask yourself. 

I talked about some steps you can take in my post 5 Tips To Plan For An (Almost Empty Nester) when the kids are about to leave, and those are an excellent start for some of you. However, those of you who already have an empty nest may feel stuck despite all good intentions of moving on.

Then There Is The Empty-Nest Syndrom

The first thing that pops up on Google when searching for an empty nest is the Empty Nest Syndrome. I’m not too fond of that term and try to avoid using it. The Empty Nest Syndrome is not a medical term but rather a phenomenon of sadness, loss, depression, and loneliness that parents experience when their kids leave home. My tips will help you to get unstuck in your empty nest.

Some Signs And Symptoms Of The Empty Nest Syndrome

• Loss of purpose. For years you were the go-to person for your kids and their needs. You could heal wounds, cook delicious meals, and help with homework, but that job is done. So now you’re wondering what my purpose is in life. 
• Emotional stress. Do you break out in tears when watching a sad commercial? Sometimes these emotions are tied to menopausal hormone changes, but they seem to coincide with the empty nest as well.  You feel sad that the kids have grown up. Maybe you worry that you didn’t help them more than you did while growing up. You might be nervous about your marriage or relationship and the state of it. Or afraid of getting older and becoming useless.
• Anxiety about your children. That is a normal feeling. If it takes over and you call them several times a day or week to check in with them, this behavior is keeping you in a constant state of anxiety. You raised them to be responsible and intelligent adults, and you have to trust yourself that you did the right thing. You were giving them wings to fly. 

Who Is Most Likely To Experience Empty Nest Syndrome?

Research suggests that full-time parents are more likely to have Empty Nest Syndrome, which the following reasons can compound:

• Those who can’t live alone
• Those with struggling marriages
• Those who gain their self-identity from their parenting roles 

There are ways to feel comfortable with your empty nest and steps to move forward one strategy at a time. 

5 Tips To Help You To Get Unstuck In Your Empty Nest

1. Take care of your physical and mental health.

You’ve been so busy all these years that you kept your health checks to a minimum. But, of course, we all know that it takes hours out of your day to get one doctor’s checkup. So with your newfound extra time, make time to do a health overhaul.

•  For instance, ensure you get your yearly mammogram or your first colonoscopy. As unpleasant as some of those procedures are, they are necessary to keep you healthy well into the future. 

• Make an appointment with your physician or gynecologist. This is a great time to rule out any underlying health conditions you might not know. 

• If you have not already, start to exercise. You have more time for yourself now, and what better way to spend your time than to get healthier and stronger? 

The links between depression, anxiety, and exercise aren’t entirely clear — but working out and other forms of physical activity can ease symptoms of depression or tension and make you feel better. (Mayo Clinic)

How does exercise help with depression and anxiety? 

• Move more

Even though exercise might be the last thing on your mind once you get started, you’re releasing happy endorphins and other natural brain chemicals that make you feel good. So one of my favorite tips to help you get unstuck in your empty nest is to move more.

Start with something you love doing, like gardening and perhaps take it a step further and go for a walk each day. Moving more helps you get out of the house, enjoy some fresh air, and possibly meet some neighbors that you can chat with. Spend about 30 minutes each day walking, biking, running, taking a dance class, gardening, cleaning the house, etc.; you get the idea. The more active you are, the better you’ll feel.

I love Pilates and enjoy the benefits of strengthening, lengthening, and the low-impact nature of Pilates. Check out my Fast & Fit Membership with videos that include everything from Pilates, strength training, and stretching that any empty-nester mom can do. 

In addition to reducing stress and anxiety, staying active will help reduce weight gain, reduce body fat, and help you get more energy.  

• Get enough sleep 

Sleep is often an overlooked component in dealing with anxiety and stress in our lives. Getting a good night’s sleep is so essential to get more energy. I’ll talk about the benefits of sleep in episode 12 of The Pursue Your Spark podcast titled: Get More Sleep, Get More Energy. 

• Eat healthy and nutritious meals

You no longer have to cook for the entire family and instead make meals that are right for your body and health, ideal for a woman over 50. So allow me to recommend meal planning or meal prepping! Meal planning will make sure you eat well-balanced meals, and they don’t involve hours in the kitchen. Check out my post: 5 Easy Meal Prep Tips That Any Beginner Can Do. 

We neglect self-care during our years of raising children, and it extends beyond the tips mentioned above. Check out my post on Self-Care: The Key To A Balanced Life. Self-care is more than getting a massage (although that’s also nice), and taking steps towards a stronger and healthier second spring is essential. 

2. Hire a therapist 

If you’re stuck and nothing seems to help, a therapist may be the next step. Talking to a therapist is better than talking to your friends. Therapists are trained to deal with emotional hurdles that we can’t overcome independently. A therapist can also prescribe medications if necessary. It may help you over the hump to becoming “unstuck.” So, talk to your doctor about your depression and anxiety and get your help. That’s what they are there for. 

3. Reconnect with friends

Parenting limits the time spent in social settings and usually, from my experience, only extends to the circle of other parents who are in your child’s class. Now that the kids are gone, you’ll have more time to get coffee, eat lunch out, or grab dinner with your friends. Wonderfully, it’s not based on your kid’s schedule anymore.

Start by filling up your calendar with fun outings with your friends, as this is something to look forward to. 

Connect with friends regularly by texting or calling them, especially if they are empty-nesters or about to become empty-nesters. As women, we love to share our experiences. Especially now, you can share what works for you and what doesn’t. We are all in this together!

Research suggests that social connections have a positive impact on your health. In addition to reducing harmful stress levels, connecting with friends can trigger the release of stress-reducing hormones.

4. Discover your interests

Gone are the times when you can’t do what you’d love to do or explore new hobbies or interests. After years on the soccer field or at swim meets, it’s time to put your needs and desires first. So take advantage of this opportunity.

Many women who solely focus on their kids’ needs are stumped finding things they are interested in. Ask friends or family members what they do and get inspiration from their ideas. Don’t dismiss anything, and at least give those ideas a try. You might like taking a cooking class, learning to paint, or returning to school. Go for it; there are so many possibilities.

5. Rekindle your relationship

Let’s face it many of us push our marriage or relationships to the side, and things are fine. We may even do date nights once a week, but there is more to a happy marriage or relationship. 

Unfortunately, some marriages may stagnate without the kids to hold the marriage together. About 25 percent of divorces in the U.S. occur when couples reach the kids-to-college stage in their marriage.

If you find yourself stuck in your relationship, ask for help from a professional therapist instead of getting advice from your friends. A therapist can help you work through conflict and feelings. 

Without the kids around, you have many opportunities to rekindle romance and passion. What about a romantic weekend hiking, a fancy dinner during the week, or taking a class to learn how to give each other massages? My husband and I took a course, and not only was this fun to take together, but I discovered my husband is a genius at giving massages. So it was a double success! Take some time to adjust to being around each other without distraction. 

So you see, you can get unstuck and ignite your spark with these tips to help you get unstuck in your empty nest. It’ll take some time and effort, but it’s so worth it. Start with the suggestion that sounds the easiest that you can work on and then, later on, tackle another one, and so on. Don’t get overwhelmed. You have so much time to find the right path that takes you to a vibrant second half.