I’ve been an empty nester for many years, but I remember how things changed gradually; my kids left our nest one after another. After my son left for college, I still had my daughter, and not much seemed to have changed. I raised my kids as a single mom, and we were a tight-knit unit of three until the nest was empty. Based on my experience and a survey I took from other women over 50 who are already empty nesters, I compiled my 5 best tips to help you plan for an empty nest.

 

Putting your needs first is tough when you’ve been taking care of your kids for many years. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, it doesn’t matter because you’ll divide the time between work, household chores, kids’ activities, your significant other, and social activities. In the end, there is very little time left for what you want in life.

Raising our kids to be amazing humans is a wonderful goal in life, but now it’s your time to take on the second half of life and do all the things you now have the freedom to do. You will adapt to the empty nest just like you did when they went off to their first day in kindergarten. It’s time to find something for yourself instead of focusing on that child who has left the nest. 

5 Tips to Plan For An (Almost) Empty Nest

1. Invest in yourself

Don’t make your kids all that brings you joy in your life. Make sure you have a life of your own. Start planning for them to leave BEFORE they leave. What are you going to do? How are you going to spend the extra time you have? Do you have a bucket list? 

Take time to explore some options and keep in mind the things you never had time for. You may have wanted to sign up for this exercise class you heard from your neighbor about but couldn’t fit it into your schedule before. Or you could be interested in a cooking class that teaches you how to make Indian food, but you never took it because the kids thought it was too spicy and wouldn’t eat it. 

You also might consider starting a home-based business that you can do from anywhere in the world because you’re not bound to your home anymore. Think of activities that might not involve your partner and what she/she likes but something you have wanted to do. 

If you admire women who have a regular workout routine that fits their lifestyle, then the time is now to explore what works best for you. You don’t need a gym membership that you never use or a class; you only drop in once in a blue moon. Find something that you enjoy, and keep doing. Enjoy the ME time and explore what it is that you want to do without guilt. 

You may want to check out my Fearlessly Fit Over 50 Club, which includes exercises designed for women over 50 by a woman over 50 (yours truly). All you need is a little space, comfortable clothes, a smartphone, tablet, or laptop, and you’re good to go anywhere in the world. 

2. Reconnect to who you are now

You may have identified as the “soccer mom” or the “stay-at-home dad” and scratch your head on how you fit into the world now. Some parents experience overwhelming grief when their kids leave and don’t know what to do with the extra time. Others are depressed because they feel lonely. Or we feel old now that we have raised our kids and think we no longer have a purpose. 

Instead, get rid of the baggage that holds you back from moving forward. Let go of the feelings that don’t serve you, particularly the guilt that you are not there for your kids all the time, that you actually will be selfish with your time and the activities you want to do. 

Now is the time to point yourself in the direction of meaningful full adult relationships and fun and adventure. Some people want you to be a certain way as an empty nester. Don’t let them pull you off course and start planning now. Maybe make a list of all your strengths and interests to start finding your grove in the second half of life.

3. Go beyond the parenting role (you have an empty nest now!)

You will always be a parent, but your child needs you in a different role once they leave. It can be a relief not to be responsible for others anymore. No more resentment because the house is left a dumpster fire. 

Remember, who raised them to be independent? It will be different, but it isn’t a bad thing, and they’ll see you as more than just as a parent. Let them make their own mistakes and wait until they ask you for advice instead of lecturing them or giving them well-meaning advice that they didn’t ask for. This creates a different kind of bond and changes the relationship to an equal exchange where both parties can learn from each other.  

4. How will you stay in communication?

Moving out doesn’t mean you’ll never see them again. But it is helpful to figure out how to stay in touch that is comfortable for all. 

In our day of Zoom, FaceTime, WhatsApp, and other social media platforms, there is no better way to communicate even with little to no technical skills. Establish how you’ll communicate and how often. Do they prefer to text a call once a week or a month? Make plans for the next time you see them, put them on your calendar, and then fill it up with your things, not theirs. 

5. What to do when they get homesick

They will miss home, get homesick, and want always to come home. When they are home, they miss their friends at school, and that’s normal. Encourage them to stay and ride it out. You don’t need to feel guilty about it.  

One woman surveyed said: Before my son moved out, I took him driving (best time to talk). I told him that life is not always easy; if he ever needs anything, let me know. I put together some items that he might not be thinking of taking for his new home. 

You don’t have to become a new person overnight but start taking baby steps so that you can move forward in life just like they do. Enjoy the freedom you have and the privacy of running around the house naked or in undies. Turn up the TV or music any time of the day without knowing someone is rolling their eyes. Enjoy not having to clean the house that often and lower water and electricity bills. Have sex whenever and wherever you want; no more closed doors or special times set for intimacy. 

Soak it all in, savor it, and know that even when you’re alone, the memories are seared into your heart, and you’ll make new memories after they leave.