This question has come up many times in my private Facebook group. You may have started a new relationship in midlife and are on a second honeymoon. Have you asked yourself, “Is weight gain real in a relationship, and what do I do about it?” Then read on.

You found a new partner and your new relationship is exciting and fulfilling. After moving in together you realize that your pants feel tighter than they ever have, and you opt for stretchy pants. Before you know it, yoga pants and a big T-shirt are your only clothes. None of those beautiful dresses you love fit you anymore.

You secretly head to your closet and try on the clothes you wore when you were first dating your partner, but you can’t zip them all the way up anymore. In a panic, you head to the scale only to find out that you gained a lot of weight. It’s finally time to get rid of those unwanted pounds.

You are not alone! Trust me, this happened to me too.

When I met my husband, I found out that he loves to cook and go out to fancy restaurants. When I first saw him make dinner for me, I watched as he added a massive amount of butter to the steak he was preparing. Seeing that, I was ready not to eat because I never ate that way. But he cooked it with such love that I couldn’t say no, so I ate every morsel of that delicious meal. Dinners out included appetizers, dinner, dessert (and, of course, wine). Now talk about putting on pounds.

You may know that we met dancing Argentine Tango and spent many hours dancing late into the night. This meant that at 3 am, after coming home from dancing, we would eat and drink even more. It was so romantic and, well, filling.

I did not worry about my eating because I was training for a marathon and was sure I would not gain weight. OMG, what was I thinking? Of course, I gained weight!

After a few months of those nights and dinners, it was time to change those habits. If you feel frustrated and had enough of this weight gain, then start with my 3 steps.

3 Steps To Stop Weight Gain In Your Relationship

#1 Stop pleasing your partner by adopting his or her habits

Many women are people pleasers, and a new relationship is exciting. Sometimes our healthy habits can be morphed by a new partner. You found the person that makes you happy, you feel loved and cared for. Ready to let your health guard down and dive wholeheartedly into unhealthy eating and less exercise? You can get away with this for a while, but it will catch up with you.

Solution: Stop for a moment and evaluate the situation. Ask yourself: “Why am I not putting myself first?” Your needs are equally important, and so are your healthy habits.

#2 Communication is key

Your new partner may not be aware of what your healthy habits are yet. Maybe you assume that everybody lives the way you do. I sure did. Don’t wait for your partner to start changing because they don’t see anything wrong with the way they live.

Solution: Talk about how important healthy eating and regular exercise are for you and why. Don’t expect an immediate change, but it’s a start. Communication is essential for expressing your needs. Don’t be afraid to have the conversation; they will still love you and will learn from you.

#3 Show them what is possible

What better way than to start by leading by example? My husband was impressed that I could run that far and doubted that he ever could. His first run was ¼ of a mile, and he was exhausted. Now 7 years later he is an Ironman Triathlete. I know this may be a bit extreme for most, but show them what can be possible.

Solution: Introduce your partner to an activity that you enjoy and gradually have them participate. It could be as simple as going for regular hikes together. Or you may find an activity you both enjoy that neither you thought about before.

Weight gain is real in a relationship. Start with my 3 steps, and over time, you will return to your former healthy habits and teach your partner a much healthier lifestyle for the future together.

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