You try to do the right thing in life and follow a path we believe is right for you. The choices you make affect the quality of your life and happiness. Handling criticism of negative comments is hard because it hurts your feelings.

Someone close to me just hurt my feelings, and I am trying not to let it bother me, but it does. Let me explain.

I have always been a positive person. I can’t explain why, but I am. No matter how hard things get, I dig myself out and see the positive in every situation. My kids usually shake their heads when I once again burst out into my positive song and dance of life.

My mom, on the other hand, is just the opposite. She sees her glass of life as half empty. She is encouraging and supportive in her children’s adventure, but once we make those choices, she feels left behind and resentful. I take her negative approach to heart, and it hurts.

Handling Criticism: Why Do Negative Comments Hurt So Much?

Those negative comments dig into you, right? When you reach menopause, you often doubt your feelings and feel inadequate. You question yourself about anything and wonder if you are doing anything right. Usually, you can see the disapproval of others in their eyes.

We can often feel hurt by criticism due to various reasons:

1. Emotional Vulnerability: Criticism can touch on our insecurities and vulnerabilities, making us feel exposed and sensitive to negative feedback.
2. Fear of Rejection: Humans have an innate need for acceptance and belonging. Criticism can trigger our fear of rejection, making us feel judged or unaccepted.
3. Sense of Self-Worth: Criticism challenges self-perception and can lead to questioning our values or abilities. We may internalize criticism as a reflection of our worthiness.
4. A desire for Approval: We often seek validation and approval from others. Criticism can evoke feelings of disappointment or failure, as it contradicts the approval we crave.
5. Personalization: We tend to personalize criticism, assuming it is a direct attack on our character or capabilities, which can intensify our emotional response.
6. Perfectionism: If we hold ourselves to high standards or have a perfectionist mindset, criticism can feel like a failure to meet those expectations, amplifying our emotional response.

What Happened Next?

It’s important to recognize that not all criticism is valid or constructive. Developing emotional resilience, self-compassion, and a growth mindset can help us navigate criticism more effectively and differentiate between helpful feedback and baseless negativity

When I decided to start a job in the United States thirty years ago, she was full of support and encouragement. This made me super excited too! Later, I found out that she had hoped I would return to live in my homeland of Germany. Maybe get married, have children, and live there permanently. She would get to see us more often and exchange our life stories. Instead, I chose to remain in the U.S., and our relationship has suffered because of it.

Unfortunately, now our conversations are about the weather and other family members. When trying to discuss meaningful topics, she acts defensively or changes the subject. She does not seem to see that her behavior is hurtful, even when I call her out.

I seek her approval; she is my mom and has much life experience. I want her to be proud of me without all the snide remarks that hurt me. We thrive on the support of others and their caring nature towards us.

Mother And Daughter Challenges

Mother-daughter relationships can be complex and prone to challenges. Here are some common issues that can arise:

1. Communication Breakdown: Miscommunication or a lack of effective communication can lead to misunderstandings and strain the relationship. Differences in communication styles and generational gaps may contribute to these difficulties.
2. Conflicting Expectations: Mothers and daughters may have different expectations of each other based on societal norms, personal beliefs, or cultural influences. Conflicting expectations can create tension and lead to frustration or disappointment.
3. Power Struggles: As daughters grow and assert their independence, conflicts may arise over autonomy and control. Balancing the need for freedom while respecting parental guidance can be a source of conflict.
4. Unresolved Childhood Issues: Lingering unresolved issues from childhood, such as past conflicts, perceived favoritism, or unresolved emotional wounds, can impact the mother-daughter relationship.
5. Comparison and Competition: Comparisons between mothers and daughters or expectations of achievement can create a competitive dynamic, leading to feelings of inadequacy or resentment.
6. Role Reversal: As mothers age, a role reversal may occur where daughters take on caregiving responsibilities. Adjusting to these new dynamics can present challenges and emotional strain.

It’s important to recognize that every mother-daughter relationship is unique, and these challenges may vary in intensity and frequency.

Have you had a similar experience with someone close to you?

We can’t change how other people act toward us, but we can change how we react to the hurt they pass on.

Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

I believe in passing on positive vibes to the people around me.

If we eliminate the hurt from our relationships, we live a more abundant life.

Let go of the negativity of others and focus on your happiness.

How Do We Forgive Those Close To Us?

Forgiving those who have hurt us can be challenging but can lead to emotional healing and personal growth. Here are some steps that can help in the forgiveness journey:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions: Allow yourself to acknowledge and experience the full range of emotions that arise from the hurt. It’s essential to validate your feelings and permit yourself to process them.
2. Gain Perspective: Try to gain a broader perspective of the situation and consider the perspective of the person who hurt you. This doesn’t mean justifying their actions but understanding their motivations or circumstances that may have contributed to their behavior.
3. Practice Empathy: Cultivate empathy by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. This can help you understand their humanity, potential vulnerabilities, and the complexity of their own experiences.
4. Let Go of Resentment: Holding onto resentment only prolongs your suffering. Instead, recognize that forgiveness is a choice to release the negative emotions tied to the hurt and free yourself from the burden.
5. Set Boundaries: Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation or condoning actions. Instead, it’s essential to establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm and ensure your well-being.
6. Focus on Self-Care: Engage in self-care activities that promote healing and self-compassion. This can include seeking support from loved ones, practicing mindfulness or meditation, engaging in therapy, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy.
7. Release Expectations: Let go of the expectation that forgiveness will result in immediate reconciliation or a complete restoration of trust. Forgiveness is a personal process and doesn’t require the involvement or validation of the person who hurt you.

Remember, forgiveness is a personal journey that may take time and effort. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this process.

S